69 Things to do in Wal-Mart

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.

* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell, ''I need some tampons!!''

* Try on bras over top of your clothes.

* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible ''Sex and Candy''

* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in
Housewares,'' and see what happens.

* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.''

* Play with the automatic doors.

* Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

* While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this shit, anyway?''

* Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

* Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

* Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

*. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

* As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, ''Wow. Magic!''

* Put M&M's on layaway.

* Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.

* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

* Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

* Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"

* TP as much of the store as possible.

* Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

* Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134)

* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

* When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''

* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

* Take bets on the battle described above.

* Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)

* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

* While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'

* Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

* Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

* Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

* Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store.

* Two words: ''Marco Polo.'

* Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

* ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics.

* In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels. * Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

* While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying ''How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.'' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!''

* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

* Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie."

* Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

* When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

* Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

* Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles.

* In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditsily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).''

* Hold indoor shopping cart races.

* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

* When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.

* Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. * Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

* Say things like, ''Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?''

* Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''

* Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.''

* Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

* Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into peoples' carts when they aren't paying attention.

Quotes

“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income -- which he then spends sending his son to college.”
~ Bill Vaughn

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”
~ Dennis Miller

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
~ Dan Quayle

“A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. “
~ Arthur Block

“Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much.”
~ Oscar Wilde

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”

~ Robert Orben

“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.”

~ Unknown

“I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”

~ Groucho Marx

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.”

~ Mark Twain

The Relationship Between a Man and His Computer

Baby Fish On The Way

We have a pregnant guppy! My daughters are very excited about it, but they're not happy with the decision to not separate mom just prior to her dropping (delivering) her fry (babies). It's possible for the new mother, as well as the other fish in the tank, to eat the new fry. There are varying opinions on the subject of separating the fry or letting nature takes its course and allow them to remain in the main tank with the rest of the fish community. Some experienced fish hobbyists believe that as long as the fry have enough places to hide, some will survive. Because we don't want an overcrowded tank, that is the approach we've decided to take....at least for this first delivery (guppies tend to have MANY pregnancies).

We are excited about the impending delivery. I honestly have no idea when she will deliver, but I'm guessing within one to two weeks.

Go Bucks!!

GO Bucks!!

Yes, I'm a HUGE OSU fan. I've suddenly gone from a passive fan to a HUGE OSU football fan. Why you may ask...well, my eldest son is leaving in just 11 days to attend OSU. I'm excited, his father is excited, and he's EXTATIC! Suddenly my life is all things Ohio State...including spending my Saturday's rooting for our extremely talented football team (yup...now it's OUR team).

Poor Texas! They're not going to know what hit 'em!!

Music club pitfall

Well, I've done it again! I'm getting CD's in the mail that I didn't order. Why? Well...I signed up AGAIN for BMG Music Club. Yes, I did it again! It happens the same way every time. I do the math and figure out that even factoring in the outrageous shipping charges; it's a good deal to sign up for the membership, buy the minimum required to complete the deal, reap the additional rewards for completing the membership and then, and this is a key…get out of the membership. Unfortunately I run into a bit of a snag every time I do this. I always forget to respond to the editor's selection. I usually remember as I'm opening the mail box to find a new CD inside. Thankfully I usually enjoy the unexpected CD (and when I don’t one of my daughters usually does). Now, because of these "surprise" CD's I’ve earned numerous free CD's (yes, I purchased enough CD's to fulfill my membership requirement a number of months ago); yeah....free CD's!! Now all I have to do is decide on which CD's I want, order them and cancel my membership. That's all....I keep planning on doing that too...especially when I open the mailbox to find my newest "surprise" inside...

What does that mean?

Pop quiz!!! Can you guess the meaning of:

KALONA

What does it mean? Any ideas?? Don't cheat! Tell me your ideas before you try to look it up!

My First Blog

I've wanted to start a blog for sometime now. Only problem was...I couldn't figure out what to write about. What topic did I know enough about that I could write on a regular basis and keep you interested and maybe even mildly entertained? There isn’t ONE. I can't write about only one subject so I've decided not to limit myself. I've come to realize that the perfect blog (for me, anyway) is a hodge podge of sorts. I'm going to write about many different topics...which is really what life is all about...many topics, experiences and stories.